To Accept a (Sincere) Gift

Last night something strange—uncomfortable—happened. My instructor paid me.

When I joined the ITF Taekwon-Do school in Seoul in 2008 I introduced myself to my instructor, sharing with him my Taekwon-Do history. When he heard that I have my own Taekwon-Do dojang in South Africa, and furthermore, that I am on the board of directors for the national governing body of Taekwon-Do in South Africa, he adamantly refused that I pay class fees. I tried to pay, but he would not accept my money.

So I decided to be an active member of the gym, “paying” through my service. I would occasionally teach a class and act as an assistant instructor. In the meantime I’ve become a regular instructor teaching a designated class once a week (focusing on self-defence). Sometimes I’m also approached to help with a little translation work and editing of material in English. I have also been appointed International Liaison Officer (the Korean title is: "International Cultural Exchange Officer") for ITF-Korea; basically, I help with correspondences that require a high degree of fluency in English on behalf of ITF-Korea. All of this I’ve done gladly; considering it my way of compensating for the luxury of getting quality instruction and training at the gym. These exertions have always been a small price to pay. Some might argue that I ought to at least get paid for the regular class I teach. After all, there are other outside instructors at the gym who teach grappling classes and whom are paid for their services by the gym, why shouldn’t I get paid? Well, while these outside instructors teach at the gym, they do not also train at the gym like me. Since I train there, I ought also to pay the approximate $100 per month, but I don’t. I train for free. Teaching, I’ve always believed, is my way of paying. In any case, I’m very passionate about teaching martial arts and would probably have begged him to teach a class in any case. Actually, if my normal workload was not so heavy, I would probably have insisted on teaching two weekly classes, instead of just one. (I've been teaching martial arts for over a decade. It has become such a part of my identity, that not to teach would just feel bizarre.) Besides, acting as an assistant instructor is the normal duty of any active black belt. In most martial arts it is expected of all senior ranks to willingly share their knowledge with lower ranks when training together.

Last night on our way home my instructor handed me an envelope. I peeked inside and saw that it contained money. I was shocked and refused to take it, explaining to him that since I do not pay class fees it is not necessary for me to be paid anything. He insisted and refused to take it back. Eventually I reluctantly conceded.

Sometimes, even if it makes you uncomfortable, one needs to accept gifts that are given sincerely. Not so much for your own sake, but for the sake of the other person who wishes to express their gratitude. By refusing the gift you are actually robbing them of the genuine joy of giving. The money still makes me feel unfomfortable and I haven't even checked how much is in the envelope. Yet I understand that my instructor wished to show his appreciation, and my heart is warmed by it.