Aegyo: Korea's Cute Coquette

In Korea there is something called "aegyo". They translate it as charming, which is definitely not the best translation. Aegyo is basically when an adult acts childlike in order to come over as cute. It is usually done by women, but men sometimes do aeqyo too, particularly in the early stages of a romantic relationship. Aegyo is basically acting cute coquettishly. This is probably a good translation for aegyo: "cute coquette." Korean women usually do aegyo to break her male target's resistance as she manipulates him to do her will.



I get that aegyo is cute. I also like cute things -- a cute kitten can melt me in a second. What I don't get is why aegyo is sexy. Korean men actually thinks it is sexy when their girlfriends act like little girls. Personally I'm completely put off by it. I find the nagging-manipulation of aegyo, like any type of emotional manipulation, distasteful. Also, that men should find such childlike behaviour sexually exciting borders on paedophilia, I think. (I cannot help but wonder if there is a correlation between child sexual abuse and a culture that views childlikeness sexually attractive. I couldn't find much information on the topic; this post by The Grand Narrative may be a start.)

As I mentioned earlier, aegyo is not exclusively used by Korean women. Korean men also do aegyo, as the videos below demonstrate.





However, male aegyo sometimes works the other way. Instead of an adult trying to act cute, a young man could act more mature, self-confident or tough towards a female that is his senior. The following video illustrates this:



I've often been asked about my interest in Korean women and why I don't yet have a Korean girlfriend. There are different reasons, but one is that I really do not find aegyo sexually attractive. On some isolated occasions I thought it cute, and can appreciated it as an interesting cultural phenomenon. However, sexually it is a turn off for me. I definitely find mature women attractive, not little girls.

A bad aegyo moment. Sorry.

But, let me not be too hypocritical. I've done aegyo myself on occasion, because I know the results it gets in this culture. Also, apparently I speak Korean very cute. The reason is two fold. First, my Korean ability is quite elementary so I end up sounding a little like a toddler clumsily putting together sentences and we all know how cute that can be. Second, I used to learn much of my Korean from women, so I ended up speaking like the girls whose intonation I copied. Therefore, I'm often doing aegyo without it being my intention. I've started watching how Korean men act tough in Korean films and have tried that instead, but from the reactions of some of my students I think it came across as the reverse aegyo that men sometimes used, which I spoke about earlier. While I'm not a fan of aegyo, I catch myself sometimes being an aegyo culprit.

Kakashi and Giraffe Sex Still Skryfblok's Top Posts

A statue by Belle Brooks, inspired by the search
for "giraffe sex" on Google that has gone
viral. (Image Source)

A year ago (to the day) I wrote a post on giraffe sex. It was basically an experiment to see if it would increase page views to my blog. It actually worked. The search term “giraffe sex” is the second most popular search term that bring viewers to my blog, that is according to Blogger's statistics. Google Analytics describes it slightly differently, saying that the actual keywords “giraffe sex” is the tenth in traffic ranking and “giraffe” fifth. Be that as it may, it is obvious that people with interest in giraffes (and giraffe procreation) quite frequently land on my blog. According to Google Analytics the keyword “Kakashi” is still by far the most frequent entrance to my blog and Blogger's statistics concur that “Kakashi Hatake” is the top search term for people to land at Skryfblok.

To all the Kakashi Hatake fans, here's a naked picture of Kakashi in the shower! (Lol, this is bound to shoot up visits! Nothing like sex to boost traffic, as the giraffe post experiment proved.)

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Other favourites are “Andy Lau”, “do mermaids exist”, and “body painting.” Other posts that is a gateway to my blog are the one I did on the physical differences between Koreans and Caucasians and the post in which I announced my new (Afrikaans) blog Ingelegde Lywe that focusses on poetry, particularly “liefdesgedigte” (love poems) and “erotiese verse” (erotic verses).

Japan earthquake and tsunamie, March 2011
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There were two distinct spikes on my blog, one in March 2011 and the other in May 2011. The first spike was because of the earth quake and resultant tsunami in Japan in March. The pageviews jumped with nearly 2000 from January and February. I wrote two posts on the earthquake. The first an Afrikaans post in which I announced the earthquake's occurrence on the day (11 March 2011). The second a few days later in which I explained why Korea was spared from the tsunami that followed the earthquake.

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Traffic went down with about a 1000 views in April but went up again with another thousand in May. I'm not too certain about the reason for the May spike. I wrote a couple of controversial posts that month. For instance I wrote about how Google tailors our search results; I wrote (favourably and sympathetically) about Lady Gaga's song “Judas” and her struggle with sin; I wrote with disgust about the pleasure people derived from Osama bin Laden's death; I announced that Armageddon would not happen on Saturday, May 21st; I laughed at the release of Obama's Birth Certificate; and I gave a link and feedback about the talk I gave about Christianity and Romantic Poetry. Any, or maybe a combination of these posts could have caused the increase in page views.

While Blogger's statistics show a slow but steady decline in traffic since May, Google Analytics tells a different story. According to Analytics visits have nearly double from May to August. There has been a slight recession of late, but of course the month is not yet at an end so the statistics are a little fuzzy for October. In July and August I went on holiday so I posted some photos of my trip in Laos, Thailand and China. I can't think why such photos should increase views to my blog, however. There are hardly anything else I think noteworthy, apart from, maybe, my “Kukkiwon Gangster” photo, which is slightly controversial, but only to those privy to the dark secrets of Taekwon-Do history.

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The bounce rate for my blog is pretty high, around 80%. People land here hoping for a website on Kakashi or giraffe sex or mermaids, and instead find a blog with over a thousand posts on very random topics. Disappointed they leave soon afterwards. Most of these people don't stay longer than 30 seconds. For a blog with no specific purpose other than logging my life and thoughts, this is not an issue. Were I trying to sell something (a product, or myself), a high bounce rate would have been a bad thing.

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Most visitors to Skryfblok are American. The second highest geography that visit my blog is South Africa. This is heartening as one reason I started this blog was to keep my friends and family who mostly live in South Africa up to date with my life here in Korea. It seems to be working. Of all the visitors from around the world most do not return; however just under 10% return to the blog; i.e. they are likely followers of the blog. Interestingly, most of these returning visitors are from South Korea and the second highest grouping of returning visitors are from South Africa. Does that mean that my social network in South Korea has surpassed my social network in South Africa? It would be a surprising finding if it's true, for I am still under the impression that I have far more friends in my country of birth than here in my host country.

Are you a fan?
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If you have read this whole post, give yourself a pat on the back, for you must definitely be either a real friend or a true Skryfblok follower to have read through all this boring and somewhat useless statistics about a rather purposeless blog. Lots of love to you!

MMA, Where the Strongest Man Gets the Woman

I've never watched an MMA "Weigh-Ins & Face Offs" session before. For some reason YouTube recommended it to me, so I thought I'd see what it is about. To my surprise I realized that the weigh-ins are basically sexual objectification sessions. There is no reason why the weighing in could not happen behind closed doors, but instead an entertaining spectacle is made of it. The purpose is clearly for the display of the fighters physiques, often in their briefs. An intrinsic part of the show also seems the deliberate undressing -- the stripping -- of the fighters for the audiences voyeuristic pleasure, before they get on they scale. They could have easily arrived in robes like they do when approaching the ring; instead the act of undressing is purposed to add to the subconscious message of stripping down and getting naked. Some of the fighters seem more comfortable with this than others. The beautiful women with the hot pants and bikini tops in the background are there, of course, for no other reason than adding to the sexual tone of the event. Their purpose is purely decorative, like racing girls at car shows. And just like racing girls where the girls have very little to do with cars, but merely to create a sexual connection with the vehicle, so too do these girls here seem to add some primal energy. Virile muscled men and curvaceous women: the subconscious message is that the men are fighting over the women; like male animals fighting for mating rights with the females. The face-offs are nothing but "posturing" and "power displays", exactly what male animals do in the wild in an effort to intimidate their opponent before fighting over females start. I must say it is all very cleverly designed and I cannot help, at a very instinctive level, to enjoy it. At the same time, I cannot help but wonder what effect this has on society, as it merely enforces gender role stereotypes, and a culture spiked with sex and violence.

Wat is sexy?

Bono

Opsoek na my CV in een van my digitale laaie kom ek op hierdie af. Ek weet nie vir watter okasie ek dit geskryf het nie. Moontlik net om my eie gedagtes oor die onderwerp te orden, of dalk om op my blog te plaas, of miskien vir 'n ander doel. Ek verbeel my ek het dit reeds al op my blog geplaas, maar na 'n vinnige soektog blyk dit tog nie die geval te wees nie.

Ek is gefassineer deur “sexy”. Wat maak iemand sexy?

My vriendin vind byvoorbeeld Bono van U2 vreeslik sexy. Het jy onlangs ’n foto van Bono gesien? Hy het ’n reuse neus en ’n abnormale ken. Buiten vir sy interesante brille is daar niks wat ek as handsome sou klasifiseer nie. Tog vind derduisende mense hom sexy.

Seker so twee jaar gelede was ek en die vriendin by ’n Amanda Strydom konsert in Potch. Amanda, ’n vrou in haar vygtigs, wat lankal haar eens slanke lyf veruil het vir die mollige volumes van ’n middeljarige vrou, het ons verdronk. Sy was ongelooflik sexy. Haar sexyheid is nie in haar lyf nie, maar in haar selfvertroue.


Amanda Strydom (Source)

Sexy is baie keer gesetel in selfvertroue. Sletterigheid ook. ’n Sletterige vrou is vol vertroue dat wat sy uitstal aanloklik is. En ongelukkig werk dit vir party. Maar ’n ware sexy vrou weet dat haar bates te besonders is om aan almal vertoon te word. Sy steek dit verluidelik weg agter winkende klere. Ware “sexy” is ook uiters sensueel. Dis ’n bewuswees van die sintuiglike wat in subtielhede geprikkel word. Daar is min goed wat so irriteer soos ’n vrou wat ruik of sy in ’n bad parfuum gelê het. Gelyktydig is daar niks so lieflik as ’n subtiele geur, dalk jasmyn, wat sagkuns van haar nek af drappeer nie.

John Waters (bekend vir sy film Hairspray) vertel in ’n onderhoud: “I see some women in really scary redneck bars that I go to, that truly look shocking. Like a three-hundred-pound woman with extreme cellulite in a tiny mini-skirt working a bar and strutting her stuff. Is she sexy? Yes, in a wierd way. People who have that confidence and that nerve are really sexy. And if you think you’re sexy, someone else will. You can look really sexy covered up. So I think the women who have knock-out bodies are the ones that should wear Japanese fashion, Commdes Garcons and so on. But they never do. That’s why they all look the same. What I am alarmed about is that all women feel they have to show full breasts all the time.”

Ek dink dis makliker vir mans om sexy te wees. Die “vrou” is al so misbruik deur media dat dit moeilik is vir die gewone vrou om haarself te laat kompeteer. As sy maar net besef dat sexyheid is in die unieke subtielhede. Soveel vrouens probeer die abnormale maerheid van catwalk modelle na-aap. Maar die kunsgeskiedenis is dit eens, die vrou is mooi in haar kurwes, nie in haar reguit lyne nie.

"Blue Nude" -- Henri Matisse

Mans aan die anderkant is mooi juis in die reguitlyne. ’n Man in ’n ordentlike pak klere is gewoonlik aantreklik. As daar een geslag is wat kan baat by gewig verloor is dit mans. Kurwes pas nie by mans nie.

Colin McDowell skryf: “...photography advanced too far and erotical gradually changed into pornography—its vulgar little sister—which is, sadly, all that is left for us today. Top-shelf magazines, DVDs and websites are not about eroticism. They deel instead in quick fixes. Whereas eroticism was predicated on the belief that sex was a pleasure increased in direct proportion to the time spent on it, today it is all too often seen as a form of instant gratification, to enjoy briefly and then forget about. Pole dancing, lap dancing, erotic cinemas and bars have devalued sexual pleasure by blurring the boundaries between eroticism and pornography.”

Ek moet saam stem met McDowell se beskywing en Waters se lament. Seks en sexyheid het goedkoop geword – dis verlaag tot kitskos. En blykbaar is kitskos goed genoeg vir die meerderheid mense om op te leef. Kyk byvoorbeeld na die sexy odes in die Bybelse boek Hooglied: “Jy is so mooi, so bekoorlik, liefste, met soveel wat geniet kan word. Jou slanke gestalte is soos ’n palmboom, jou borste soos druiwetrosse. Ek dink ek gaan teen die palmboom opklim en sy trosse gryp. Laat jou borste vir my soos trosse druiwe wees, die reuk van jou neus soos die van appels, jou mond soos goeie wyn wat glad na binne gly vir die man wat jy liefhet, wat tussen sy lippe en sy tande deur vloei” (Hooglied 7:6-9).Die erotiese, of ware sexyheid, is iets waarin God goedkeuring vind. Maar hoe tragies dat ons dit verniel het tot kitskos.

“Eroticism is about titillation – the slow awakening of sexual pleasure. It involves the gentle interplay of the mind, sense and emotions. It is to be treated as something special and valuable” verduidelik McDowell. “It’s a choice we all make. Intellectual involvement or animal gratification.”

Die essay eindig effe stomp; dit kort nog bietjie werk, maar aangesien dit nie nou juis 'n prioriteit vir my is nie, plaas ek dit maar hier, sommer so ongeredigeer. Die essay is ook op 'n manier 'n tipe manifes vir my liefdesgedigte. Ek hoop dat mense in my gedigte 'n sin van die erotiese sal kry eerder as pornografiese.

World AIDS Day

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Today is World Aids Day. Like all such "days" the purpose is creating awareness about a specific social issue. Do you remember when people started to speak about AIDS in the 80s? I was still in elementary school when I first heard of the dreaded AIDS. Back then it was a "homosexual disease". I'm glad that we have passed such ignorance, but it is still far from appropriate to think the we (the world) have enlightened notions about AIDS.

In South Africa AIDS is still a rampant epidemic. For a long time I've heard that some African people believe that AIDS was invented by white people in an attempt to reduce their population. There are also superstitious beliefs that sex with a virgin will cure AIDS. While things have improved, South Africa has a history of presidents with questionable views regarding AIDS. There is the legacy of President Thabo Mbeki and of course the shocking example of the current president, Jacob Zuma, who took a shower after having unprotected sex with an HIV+ woman. Such examples nullifies years of sex and AIDS education. The real effects of this disease will be felt ten or twenty years from now when a great chunk of a whole generation in South Africa's will have died to AIDS-related deaths, leaving behind another generation of orphans.

In South Korea it is difficult to assess the affect of AIDS. As a far eastern country, saving face is an important part of the Korean culture, so statistics are often under reported. At least it is not considered a homosexual disease. It may, however, be considered a foreign English teachers' disease.

Giraffe Sex

"Giraffe Love" T-Shirt designed by Hank Green.

I've mentioned before that my post on Kakashi Hatake gets the most views on this blog and can only speculate that my recent post on the same manga character will probably be popular too. It is not that these post are anything special in and of themselves -- it is merely that the character Kakashi is so beloved and has such a vast fan base that anything related to Kakashi gets viewed a lot.

I thought long ago that a post with the keywords "Korea" and "Sex" would get much traffic, but this post is not nearly as popular as the Kakashi post. Another popular post, and one actually related to Korea and somewhat to sex -- or at least genitals -- is the one I wrote about the genetic differences between Caucasians and Asians (Koreans). Since I wrote it in July it has had over 2000 visitors to date, with about 20 visits a day. 

The giraffes in the above photo are South African -- read more. By the way, I'm South African too, but I'm not a giraffe -- just so you know that this is not a self-portrait. According to John Green from the Vlog Brothers (Nerd Fighers) their three most viewed YouTube videos are all somehow related to giraffe sex.



Seeing what makes people end up on this extremely eclectic blog of mine intrigues me. I think there is a part of my graphic design and marketing (some of the stuff I studied) past-life that is still interested in how online marketing functions and how people end up on different websites.

Sex sells, we know that, but it is interesting that the blog post on Korea sex is less viewed than a fairly irrelevant personal account of a fictional animation character like Kakashi. My favourite giraffe video does not involve sex. Instead, it involves grief, which is a little like sex. In the video below are the five stages of grief (the word "grief" looks a little like the word "giraffe", doesn't it?) as acted out by a giraffe.



Now if you want to drive someone crazy, you could play them this giraffe song. I'm sure the average sane person will go nutters after listening to it repeated 10 times. I sure would. How many times can you listen to this song without going bonkers?



Now why did I write a post on giraffe sex again?

Girls' Generation, Prostitutes and Pygmalian

This music video of Girls' Generation reminds me of the first time I ventured into a red light district in Korea. It was during my first few months in Korea. I was in the Yongsan area -- I went to the digital market to get some computer gadgets. I decided to take a short cut down one alley on my way to another subway line. I didn't really take much notice of the mannequins in the windows. Then suddenly, from the corner of my eye I noticed that the mannequins moved. It nearly freaked me out, but I soon realised that these were not well dressed mannequins displaying boutique clothes, but in fact prostitutes displaying another type of merchandise. I remember being shocked at how beautiful these model-like women were; hence me originally assuming them to be mannequins. I've seen some beautiful mannequins in my life and can sympathise with Pygmalion. I've often wondered who sculpts clothing store mannequins and if they are cast from real models.

Thailand -- Maikeedfai in Nakhon Ratchasima

The day after hour visit at the Thai Health Promotion Foundation, during my trip in Thailand, our group visited an educational group focused on young children called Maikeedfai in Nakhon Ratchasima, headed by Mr Kui (his Facebook-profile). Maikeedfai is one of many small programs that gets funding from the THPF. Maikeedfai helps to get young children involved in healthy after school activities. They explained that most Thai children just go home after school and sits in front of the television the whole day watching TV or playing video games. Basically Maikeedfai has an after school care centre that gets children out in nature or involved in fun, healthy, and education activities.

 (I made the clay kitten and pony.)

After showing us some of the ways they keep children busy (like how to make bubbles, clay and other messy stuff) we departed to one of Maikeedfai’s other projects – Sex Education.

We went to a school where Maikeedfai had worked on Sex Education. One of the grades had prepared a play which they performed for us. The moral of the play was basically to wait, and if you have sex, to have it safely – use condoms. As is commonly known, the sex industry is lucrative in Thailand and children are tempted into it at an unfortunate young age. Part of the problem, we were told, are that parents do not educate their children on sex. A western man I spoke to who have lived in Thailand for about a decade told me that incest and molestation is also very prevalent in the rural areas, which just increases the problem of skewed perceptions of sex at a very early age among many Thai people – especially those coming from rural areas.

Gekneusde appelkose

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Haar hare ruik na appelkose. Soet, vars appelkose. Ek lê met my gesig in haar hare; ek omhels haar van agter. Haar lieflike heupe kruin in my buik asof ek ’n moeder en sy my ongebore kind is en so wil ek verewig lê. Haar asemhaling is rustig nes ’n laaggety. Slaap sy altyd so rustig? Dis oggend maar ek durf nie roer nie. Netnou word sy wakker, staan sy op, begin die dag, die res van die lewe, en het hierdie oomblik aanbeweeg. Aanbeweeg soos gisteraand toe ek haar gekneusde appelkose met al vyf sintuie geproe het.

Gedig

A Creative Commons image by RickHarris

Op persketakke lê soos watte die voorvrugte.
Só, op my hart blom my liefde – onverdun.

My beminde, hou nie jou rooi hart gegrendel nie:

die hart is ’n papie wat eens nog moet vlerke kry,

wat oop moet maak soos biddende hande na gebed,

soos ’n lotus voor die son, soos twee pare lippe

vir mekaar, soos bene vir bekende heupe,

soos vriende se kaalpersoonlikhede.

Want in die laat winter bot die perskes

en deur die koue groei die liefde soos tienerborste.

My beminde, hou nie jou soet mond toe nie:

laat my tong soos ’n vinger jou snare stram,

jou perkussie plekke kielie, jou diep liefdesgrotte

maak eggo soos roepende katedraalklokke,

wat luidkeels ween oor die hoog gestookte liefde

en jou brandstapel waarop ek hartstogtelik verteer.

Hoogsomer dra die perskebome swaar aan vrugte

en loop die harte oor van bloed en liefde.

My beminde, vergeet nie die ou verhale nie:

van Adam (óf Romeo) wat deel aan die giftige perskes

en deel aan die lot, want die liefde se drif vrees nie

die dood nie, dit loop doelgerig die duisternis in –

braaf soos Christus, wánt, my beminde,

die slot van die dood bind nie die liefde nie.